Random thoughts.

I think I’m finally coming around to not feeling so guilty for having weight loss surgery. (side note: It’s finally dawned on me, that I am APPROVED, and just waiting. Just waiting for my turn on the list) But yes, in the beginning I felt sooo guilty for “failing” at losing the weight myself. I felt like I was a big fat loser. I still do sometimes, but I’m getting excited about the possibility of being a small person in the gym. I’m excited about my acne clearing up, excited about fitting in average sized clothing, excited about people looking at my because I look good, not because I look big.

I’m excited about running up my stairs and my knees not hurting. I’m excited about getting pictures taken, and not trying to dodge out of them. I’m excited about finally keeping a “family album” instead of a pictures of “everyone but mom album”.

I am really excited to get my life back. At least modify it to the way I want it. I keep “window” shopping for normal sized clothing. Thinking about sitting a savings account aside for “ after” clothing. I have been wanting to buy new summer clothing since I don’t fit anything from last year. (30lbs lighter) but I don’t want to buy anything big anymore.

I am a little sad about the surgery though. I figured this would be so, but I am so sad that is will disqualify me to ever join the Military. I guess there are worse things in the world. Just a little disappointed is all.

I promise to update with pictures and measurements once I get put on the waiting list. Until then, I’m just another blog on the internet.

-A.